intellectual steambath

take a seat where no one's wanted
those were the first words i heard
she looked at me
an i know what you're thinking kind of look
swallow

am i thinking this tonight
or is it really happening?

stories told round the table
lies for truth and eyes for night
the center of my rote and written universe
intellectual steambaths, spiraled prayers
overblown pontification, the feelings pirate

to me, to me, to me,
to me this isn't a joke

masturbation
that'll get their attention,
wicked gleam in his eye and she squirms
remember
i alone am i

sitting at this table,
me, i cover my ears

putter out my smoke
there goes my soul
a sinus headache tackles my eyes
i will not shed
my will for this

it's just the cigarettes
i say i say i say again

talk of family life and useless wants
i know they're turning inside out
i can't let the outside in
i can't let the outside in

i can't

let me in and blow the hatches
my days are gone, the hours reign
trickling summer sweat
blond hair cut short this rant
it's done.